Monday, December 27, 2004

...only a saliva saturated flax seed

I thought I had another blister. I had just finished a bowl of cereal last night, and I felt a funny little bump on the inside of my mouth. I rinsed my mouth out, swished, and felt with my tongue and the funny little bubbly-lump was still there. It started to freak me out. R wasn't around, and at work until later tonight (usually I have R look at and diagnose my weird ailments). I tried to look in the mirror inside my mouth, and I could make out a small, dark colored blister nestled in my gums on the inside of my bottom teeth. I touched it with my finger-- squish squish. I was pretty freaked out, and didn't want to pop it so I was being absolutely careful. I had horrified visions of eating a hunk of crusty bread, and that thing popping and squirting inside my mouth while I was chewing...ewww.

Anyway, as the day progressed, I ate yogurt and bananas, so I didn't compromise the membrane. I started researching this whole weird blister situation, and all I could find was about herpes and information for treating a blister on your foot. I was trying to find some different information on the internet, when I felt the blister come off my gum and land on my tongue. I jumped up, spit the scab onto a napkin and rushed up to the mirror and good light in the bathroom to see what had happened.

Upon closer examination, my "blister" turned out to be a flax seed!

Friday, December 17, 2004

is it a bacterial infection?

Well, I sleep with a heating pad sometimes. I know that's not good, usually I shut it off before I nod off, and keep it set to low. Once in a while I fall asleep and wake up in the wee hours of the morn' and it's still on, the orange power light dimly illuminating my room and the sleeping felines competing with me for bedspace (while they're all sprawled out, and I'm crunched up). About November 29th, I woke up with a funny boil on my right leg, a little larger than a cigarette burn, circular in shape, between my knee and ankle. I assumed it was a burn, because of the heating pad, or sometimes I lean on the woodstove when I'm cold. The strange thing is, is that I didn't burn any of my clothes.

I dismissed the funny boil as a burn, lanced it and went on with life. It is still healing, but I haven't been dilligent about taking vitamins so I ignored it.

Today I woke up, all was normal. I took a shower, and when I got out, I noticed I had a duplicate boil on the top of my left foot, just below my pinky toe. It's not a corn or a callus, and caused me some concern.

I just dismissed it as another burn, lanced it, and if another one appears I'm going to a clinic or the emergency room. Why do I feel as if I'm an episode of 24 waiting to happen?

the evil that lies within my computer

my computer has been infiltrated by a virus/spybot/hijacker/worm thing. My father, thankfully has given me a few programs that has fixed 90% of the crap that was going wrong with it. The other 10% tries to incorporate itself into my startup programs, and I receive an annoying prompt every 60 seconds about that something is trying to add an element to my start up, the offending files are mssupdate.exe and ndis.dll or ndis.exe. The real pain in the ass is, that these windows are popping up all over the place while I'm trying to type this and INTERRUPTING ME!!!! whew it really sucks.

I made these cookies last night, that are so rich and heavy after 3 I never want another one again. My friend has a couple of teenagers so I am going to bring the rest over tomorrow in hopes that they (unlike my computer invaders) are eliminated. Here's the recipe, they go by several names, such as No Bake Cookies, Sugar Bombs, or Shit Cookies.

  • 2 cups of sugar
  • 3 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup of soy margarine
  • 1/2 cup of soy milk
  • 1 dash of salt
  • 3 cups of quick or instant cooking oats
  • 1/2 cup of peanut butter
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Prepare 2 cookie sheets by covering with a sheet of waxed paper. In a saucepan, on medium low heat, bring sugar, cocoa, margarine, soy milk and salt to a rapid boil for 1 minute. This may take 10-20 minutes to melt everything (use a whisk to mix). It is extremely important that you watch a clock or set a timer for 1 minute because if you under boil, the mixture will not harden and if you overboil, the mixture will become dry and crumbly. After mixture has boiled, remove from heat and quickly add the peanut butter, oats and vanilla. Quickly stir, and drop by spoonfuls in a cookie size on the cookie sheets. Allow 2 hours - overnight to completely dry. Enjoy your sugar bombs!

**a note about ingredients...please, for the sake of your body and others that may eat this stuff, use organic ingredients whenever possible. And as for the sugar, use dehydrated cane juice, or an alternative to the refined sugar commonly found on your baking needs aisle in the grocery store. It's just better for you, and the environment.

Friday, December 10, 2004


I partook in an ongoing mission of my friend P's and mine: to find an internal, PCI dial up 56K/V 90 modem that is AMD and XP friendly. So far, we've been through two and the last one destablized my computer to the point of it shutting down and restarting every 7 seconds. After much cursing, breaking the TV remote (poor remote, it has nothing to do with my frustration) and calling the store I got the last modem from and bitching out the pimply 20-something know-nothing-at-alls, I fixed my computer (miracoulsy, and I couldn't tell you how I finally did it) I removed the part.

Today we returned the part, with no conversation other than me putting the sales guy in his place about the digitally signed drivers, and embarked upon our mission once again.

I am beginning to think it is a conspiracy, this whole Win XP and modem sitatuion. P and I have been to about 15 stores, and either nobody carries a dial up modem, or it doesn't have the XP logo on the box. What the hell is going on???

P is older than me, and often when we are out people think I am her daughter. We talk about many things all the time, especially the war in Iraq and the U.S. military and government situation. Her husband fought in Vietnam, and she said at one point she didn't hear from him for a year. She said she didn't want to watch TV during the Vietnam war, because she we so apprehensive that her husband would die or worse, received $129/month from the government, and she had given birth to her first child while her husband was overseas.

She said to me, "I don't want to sound insensitive, but the soldiers today have it good. When J [her husband] was in Vietnam, we didn't have phone cards. We didn't have internet to see each other or talk to each other. My family didn't receive anything extra around the holidays to help out while J was away." I pointed out that there are better things and worse things aobut the military today, although I am not in a position to speak from first hand experience, but hey, they soliders in Iraq are using some of the same armor and weapons J used.

We discussed some points a little more, and at a red light P turned to me and said, "But what I don't understand is, why are we fighting people and killling people, and sending these young men and women to fight, kill and be killed? For what reason are we violently taking over all those little Iraqi towns?" Why are there abuse scandals, and prisoners being raped and worse?"

All I could reply in my best southern drawl was "Fer Freedom and democracy!"

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

what's going on?

Support the troops, not the war. For a real perspective, not the corporate conservative media bias, check out

I am not in the military, nor have I ever really wanted to pursue a military career. Nobody (recently) in my family is fighting in the war, or has fought in a war (I think my grandfather fought in WWII). I don't know why it breaks my heart every day that these young guys are dying for...what? Iraqi freedom? It's funny, we are occupying another country, and imposing our form of government, values, and in some cases, religion, and the people who are fighting back, telling us in so many ways that they do not want us doing things the way we are, that they understand they need help but there are so many strings attached to what accompanies the U.S. Government. The chickenhawks in D.C. look at the young (impressionable) men and women as disposable heros, inadequetly armored and armed, poorly trained, running bogus missions and feel that they are property to be used as they wish.

Every time I hear or read a report about the number of service men that died, I want to cry. I think about the amount that are wounded, mentally and physically, single, double and triple amputees and I want to cry. I think about the thousands (up to and probably over 100,000 by now) of Iraqi men, women and children that are killed and raped and I want to cry. I want to crawl under my covers and weep like the December north west rain.

The government is selling the American people a farce, a SUV driving, Wal-Mart, Krispy Kreme eating, Zoloft and Viagara taking, credit card dream.

Check out:, and don't be afraid to visit for some news from a different viewpoint.

praise unemployment benefits!

Who would lay someone off right before Thanksgiving? My former employer, that's who. Happy Holidays, asshole.

Why is the health of the economy hanging in the balance depending upon a fruitful holiday spending spree?

70 million people are sleep deprived, but many take "power naps." I've taken power naps in the past. Now that I'm among the unemployed, I take super power naps, for a few hours.

We used to have a nativity scene when I was a kid, the whole works with a removable baby Jesus and the wise men and several animals. I felt the need to incorporate fisher price people and army men. The funniest nativity scene, however, was at my cousin's wife's parent's house. That scene contained at least a hundred action figures, fisher price things, funny little stuffed animals, and anything else that was small enough to fit on the shelf it was displayed on. It was a constant source of amusement for the few years that I lived there and participated in holiday festivites.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

hey, these cookies taste like styrofoam

One summer as we rode our bikes home from work, we noticed a pile of free stuff, situated on the curb. We parked our bikes against a stacking of wooden chairs, cheap prints encased in flimsy dirty cardboard matting, and a large box containing dirty and slightly burned plastic coated large kitchen utensils. These items and several more cardboard boxes full of belongings that belonged to nobody, had been abandoned outside of an empty, clean painted, neatly trimmed lawn of an old bright two story house. While we were digging past Tai Bo videotapes, a rainbow array of sleeveless turtlenecks, coffee mugs with broken handles, and a thighmaster, I noticed a seald tin canister with wintery and christmasy designs on it. I read the label, and it said that the tin contained iced gingerbread cookies, from Germany! We had been pretty broke, and sweets were a luxury item, so I took the tin thinking that a cup of coffee later with some of these cookies would be a sweet treat.

After dinner, I was hit with the gingerbread cookie craving, and proceeded to unwrap the tin. The tin was sealed in shrinkwrapped plastic, and inside of that was a sealed plastic package that contained about ten cookies. I greedily tore open the packaging, and began to wolf down a cookie. After two huge bites, I thought to myself, "Boy these cookies are okay, but the icing tastes like styrofoam!" The icing kind of reminded me of the holy wafer I would have to eat at church when I received communion. I took two more big bites, eating about 3/4 of the cookie, and I notice the "icing" was seperating from the cookie. Upon closer inspection, I noitced that the icing was actually styrofoam backing, placed between cookies so they don't stick or are easier to pry apart.

Of course, as soon as I realized what I had done I became nauseaous. I confered with my signifant other, who assured me that I would be okay, and everything would come out in the end. Then I thought about tinsel-eating pets and all the glass I've probably ingested, and figured I would be okay.

so far, so good. It's been a couple of years.

happy, pappy?

Monday, December 06, 2004

a temporary site

a grey day in Portland

It's a cool 48 degrees, not really raining, just misty thick droplets eventually dampening your corduroys, your supposedly waterproof faux gortex. The swirling thick grey clouds threaten a soaking mourning rain, then start to stretch and thin, to expose a silvery muted disk that elsewhere is brightly warming the tired earth. I have to go to the grocery store and should take advantage of the respite before the sky's threats become concrete.