Thursday, July 21, 2005

overridden by the failure of impulse control

I was taking a shower earlier, and noticed a mosquito as large as my hand (okay, IÂ’m exaggerating, as large as the palm of my hand) was on the wall, just above my head behind the showerhead.

(Let me mention that our showerhead, tub spigot and faucets are at the opposite end of the drain. It was really weird at first, and now I don't even notice).

The mosquito looked at me menacingly, the whites of his eyes rolled, and he was frothing at the beak. My impulse control failed, and I swat him into the shower stream, to swish him down the drain. Half way through this action, I felt guilty, and tried to stop, but it was too late. I frantically looked through the rapids around my ankles (our drain is a little slow), and could not see any sign of the mosquito. I started to feel really bad, and started thinking about how I took a life, and how I controlled the mosquito's fate with an early death. Then, I rationalized that the mosquito is probably already into its next life, and continued to condition my hair.

I looked at the faucet, and lo and behold, the mosquito lived! It was perched on the end of the "hot" tap handle.

It was soaked, and I thought I'd put it on the counter so it could dry off. Then, after I got out of the shower I planned on putting it outside. I went to pick it up by one of its legs, and I dropped it! I saw it swirling in the sprays of water, and quickly scooped it up. I accentually tore off a leg! I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I put the mosquito on the counter, and looked at it. It wasn't moving; it was either dead or unconscious. I felt defeated.

I finished my shower, and after I dried off, I picked up the mosquito by one of its remaining three legs. It looked like one of its wings had a tear in it (no doubt from the water pressure), and started to buzz in my hand! It may have been having a seizure, but at least it was alive. I felt elated, as if I had just brought someone back from the dead.

I decided to put the mosquito outside, in one of the smaller plants we have growing in the back yard. I figured it could heal, or whatever mosquitoes do. I'm sure there are thousands of near misses and maimings every day.

On the way to the plant (it was at the rear of the yard), I noticed a very large and elaborate spider web, spanning across the path I was taking. I couldn't resist, and my lack of impulse control forced me to throw the mosquito into the web, where it fought to escape. A big fat spider ran over to the mosquito, and swiftly bundled it up. The mosquito stopped moving, and the spider started fixing the holes made in the web by the flailing tri-legged mosquito.


Anonymous said...

too fucking funny.

Anonymous said...

The law of the jungle.

Fwickafwee said...

I didn't think about it until after re-reading this, my signifigant other wonders how I manage to use all of the hot water...