Saturday, August 13, 2005

Officer Friendly

I went to my Kung Fu class this morning, and as usual it was fun. I sustained minor injuries: a punch to my left eye (which is a relief because my right eye kept getting it for a few weeks in a row), the usual aggravated shin bruise (as a result of someone blocking my incoming kick) and I was punched in the front of my jaw, so my lower lip is a little puffy. The funny thing about the jaw punch is that I was in a car accident in 1995, which left me with no injuries, other than whiplash, and a jaw issue, which caused it to crack and pop. The popping was kind of a novelty, I would do it at parties and during down time at work, and explain the car accident I was in. It was a pretty incredible car accident. My car didn’t roll or anything, and I walked away from it to help the others that were injured.

The car accident went like this: I was in Florida, and was in my 59 Ford. I was completely stopped at a three-way intersection, signaling to make a left hand turn. A woman in a pick up truck sped up behind me, and slammed into my car, throwing into the oncoming traffic lane. I jerked the steering wheel to the left hard, and my right headlight and quarter panel swiped the oncoming vehicle on their right, as they were veering to the left to avoid a head on collision. My car went into a drainage ditch, but not a deep one and I was so pumped with adrenalin, I put it in neutral, hopped out and pushed it onto the road and into a nearby church parking lot. At that moment, it began to rain thick, sloppy, big wet bullets. I ran to the pick up truck that initially struck me, and upon impact it crunched up like an accordion. I asked the woman who was driving if she was okay; she was sitting there in shock. She nodded, and I told her to get out of the car. Some other motorists, witnessing the accident, stopped and helped push her mangled aluminum can like truck to the side of the road. The person who I swiped in the oncoming lane was okay, and was able to drive her car to the side and park it. Before long the police and tow trucks showed up, reports were made, and we were all on our way back to our briefly interrupted lives.

I was on my way to the post office, to get stamps for postcards, because I was leaving with friends to go to the mountains in West Virginia. This accident set me back a couple of hours. Luckily, I wasn’t driving, and my friends had no problem waiting for me to finish what I was doing.

I never saw the accident coming, I was stopped on a hill after the apex, and the crash was deafening and instantaneous. My overactive imagination thought somebody’s vehicle would blow up if we didn’t all get out and to safety. When I was hit, I was smoking a cigarette that I crushed in my hand. At the same moment in time, my broken and never-able-to move bench seat flew back three feet, and I was barely able to reach the brake, gas or clutch.

That’s the car accident. The only one I have ever been in (well, I’m not counting minor rear-ending fender benders).

Fast forward to today, I got home from my Kung Fu class and took a shower. When I was done, I went into the living room to put some music on, and I noticed outside of my window a cop arresting a young looking punk. Officer Friendly put him in handcuffs, and dumped the contents of his backpack out on my sidewalk. I couldn't see what kind of contraband the punk was packing. I watched this situation play out for a few minutes, then the cop walked the punk to his cruiser, which was parked a few houses up the street.


I’m glad we’re moving. (did I mention we're moving?) When I saw the cop, I was secretly hoping he was arresting someone next door (one of the bitches) or maybe Billie The Angry Border Collie finally ate a neighborhood kid.

I will never look at border collies the same again.

1 comment:

GrapeNut said...

Congrats on moving!

A woman I worked with had a border collie that would round up her three cats everyday at the same time. After a number of years she and her husband started calling the dog Scarface.