Monday, October 31, 2005

what I say vs. what I'm thinking

Well, I had to give another presentation today to a group of about 25 disgruntled, shot down, angry, wet (it’s raining, and 99% of these people traveled by bus today) job seekers who aren’t working, and receiving state assistance in one form or another, and that state assistance isn’t a realistic amount to keep these desolate despondent individuals at bay while they look for honest paying work. Cue my entry, at the end of a very helpful class to job seekers about how to fill out an application, and how to talk to potential employers, and I speak for about 10 minutes about who my company is, what we do, what jobs are available and how to apply. Sometimes I met by yawns, people who aren’t interested because they are so adept at working the system to receive all they need to scrape by, or some have criminal convictions that would prohibit them from gainful employment with most companies (at that point I encourage them that some agencies look at their various assault and theft convictions on an individual basis). At the end of my schpeil, it never fails that there is at least one jerk in the room that has some snappy smart-assed question that will guarantee that if we had the last job on earth he would not be hired.

Today the individual who asked the fifty-thousand dollar question was in his 20’s, an angry freaky wanna-be hippie hipster slacker who stood up and defiantly asked, “Yeah, do you hire anyone to work at a place that isn’t an evil corporation?”

This guy had many gross piercings, and not just regular piercings but the kind that people get to stretch ear lobes and other man-made orifices into larger-than-nature intended sizes. He was wearing nice corduroys that were probably made in a sweat shop in a third-world country by some 10 year old who got 32 cents pay for the week. He was the kind of smarmy smirky bastard you wanted to trip while he was on the sprout salad bar line with a full tray of hot tofu.

I looked at him and smiled, and in my best game-show host impression, I answered, “Why yes we do, and if you are seriously interested in pursuing an opportunity with our company, you can give me a call later and we can discuss it further. Any other questions?”

That smart ass sat down and I had a couple of normal questions regarding benefits, locations of work sties, etc. The rest of the presentation finished with no problems.

What I really wanted to say to that jerk:

“Look, asshole, why don’t you and your hypocritical self just sit the fuck down and let the other people in this room who are seriously looking for work obtain the information they need? Where did you get the hardware for those gaping orifices you call earlobes? I’m sure at some point, it was manufactured by a big time steel corporation, who is irreparably damaging the environment and shipping their plundered goods across the world so you can pay someone a hundred bucks to put a bullet hole through your lobes and stick that chunk of tacky metal in its place. I’m sure your mom and dad paid good money for you to flunk out of the college you just had to come to our city to attend, and now you’re all down and out because you’re on your own. Do you use a phone or have phone service? Evil corporations at work there. How about ride the bus? Evil corporations there too. Your eyeglasses, I’m sure some parts were manufactured by an evil corporation, in a third world country where women are publicly executed for not walking around with a male relative. Receive state assistance? Food boxes? Evil corporations. Lets talk about more evil, where did you get your clothes from? A thrift store? Even if it is an “evil corporation” brand name, you are still supporting that company by keeping their clothes in circulation buy re-buying it from someone who bought it originally from the offending evil corporation. Use condoms? I sure hope so. Oh, by the way, they were manufactured by an evil corporation. So sit down and shut the fuck up.”

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