Sunday, August 06, 2006

documented observations from the fair, part 1

No Internet at this crap ass county fair. I’m unsuccessfully trying to use my cell phone to check email messages. But it’s taking forever for each page to load. A lot of tweakers running around.

I’m not a fair barker. I’m not into yelling about the services our company provides (which are services for people with disabilities). I should make these fuckers work for the coffee cups I’ve brought and displayed. I should give one out for each person that signs up for the training program. This place is so weird. It’s like the Washington County Republicans are in a booth next to pro-choice Planned Parenthood (but I really know what Planned Parenthood is all about, under the façade of all that pro-choiceness).

who coordinated planned-parenthood next to the republicans?

There's an old bitter guy in a scooter telling racist jokes and blond jokes. He hung around me for about an hour, and told me many Polish and blond jokes. Now, I’m both, and it got to be a little annoying. He also told a bunch of Mexican jokes, and made mention several times that he thought many things were “un-American.”

Jesus fucking Christ it’s only 11:34 (upside down spells “hell”) and I have 11 ½ hours left today before I can leave this fiasco. Lots of religious booths. Lots of fat mutants and annoying kids. Young teen girls wearing too much make up wanting to know if the mugs are free. They’re not, at least not to you. People and their kids are really annoying. Snot nosed coughing without covering the mouth.

Lots of Jesus tents.


So I explain to this fat ass cow and her brood that we provide services for people with disabilities. Her reply was “No, we really don’t have that.” Okay, thanks see you later.

Some old bag walks by, I say hi, would you like a pen? “No thanks,” she replies, I don’t want to carry it around.” A fucking pen! How much of an inconvenience could that possibly be??

So this uptight older baby boomer looking couple walks by, I explain what we do. They just blankly nod and walk off.

Tons of factory authorized demonstrations. Whatever that is. I think it would be funny if some of those things were factory un-authorized demonstrations.


I wonder who put the Washington County Republicans next to the Pro-Choice people. I wonder if that was done on purpose or by accident. That’s quite an accident, but I guess it could be worse and pro-choice could be next to one of the many religious groups here.

Probably not an accident.

Some woman just briskly yanked a 5 year old through the pavilion room I’m in, stopped in the middle, and yelled at him, completely demoralizing him. He’ll remember that forever. He’s probably going to grow up and turn into a wife beater or something. I wanted to grab that lady and yank her around, I feel this rage start inside of me and it takes a lot to suppress it and ignore these flammable situations.

For a moment, I thought I had an internet connection but for some reason it doesn’t work. Some drunk guy approached me, and between belching and drinking his beer asked me about what we do. I noticed he was missing a few fingers, and told me he has a handicapped tag for his car so he could work for us. He wasn’t interested in applying for work, and didn’t take an application. He was barely coherent, and with his ancient mother, who just stood silently with a confused look. I keep hoping that there is an Internet connection that pops up all of a sudden. Avon has a huge weird tent thing, music blaring and enticing women young and old to try their animal tested upon products to enhance their beauty.

Finally I gave out an application to someone who seems like he’d qualify for our servies. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who walked up to my booth, and after I explain what we do they make a crippled motion and an “uungh” noise to indicate they all of a sudden have MS or something. At least 10 so far, and the fair’s only been open not even 3 hours.

Some redneck bitch just walked up, put her hand on one of my mugs, and asked, is this for free? I replied, only if you are signing up for one of our programs. Then explained what we do. She went “hmm” and walked off with the pens I’m giving out for free.

Some old guy walked up to my table, and stopped me short when I started telling him who we are and what we do. “I know who you are,” he said with obvious contempt in his voice. “Wonderful” I tried to enthusiastically relay, “do you have any questions?” “No” he hissed. “You know the manager Roy Swanson? Well, you hired him instead of me.” As quick as the old man appeared, he tottered off. I thought, look I’ve been at this company for about 4 months I don’t know who the fuck Roy Swanson is.

Great. Another person wanting free cups and making motions as if their arms were crippled. I’m really sick of these fake people telling me to keep doing what I’m doing. “You’re doing a great job, keep it up” they tell me. They don’t know who the fuck I am or how I work. They’re just filling the void of silence with verbal diarrhea.

It’s starting to get pretty warm in here. A family of fat fucks just plowed through here. Gangway, onto the elephant ears and curly fries! What a sad state of affairs our country is in, I have never seen more fat kids in my entire life. What a shame.

view from the booth.


Boy it’s frigging hot now; I’m feeling a little sleepy and delirious. The bathrooms are very gross, high traffic nasty small stalled smelly bathrooms. When you first walk in (which takes a few minutes because there’s a line) you are hit with a strong ass smell. Not even a poop smell, but the smell of big fat sweaty ass cracks. It’s about 3 PM, 8 hours left in this day.

Another retired special ed teacher, and another good for you keep up the good work. I could be stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies from our company and reselling on ebay and these ignorant people who tell me to keep up the good work wouldn’t know it. I have been talking to my NY neighbor a lot; she’s signing up people for a free barbeque but is getting about as much business as I am. A lot of people are in the next room over, where there is much more activity and live demos showing off the latest technology in vegetable dicing, knives that cut tin cans then smoothly cut tomatoes, easy installation of tub lines and seamless shower walls, Quick n Brite metal polishers, things that don’t have much to do with anything that I’m representing. It seems (and I hear nearby conversation) people are going into the first room over there, checking out all the stuff, then leaving back into the realm of vomit inducing rides and more junky fair food then you can think of. I’ll have to get out later and take a few pictures.

booth neighbors, a.k.a. products that have nothing in common with my company.

It’s very hot now and there are groups of people walking around arguing with each other, fanning themselves, looking all damp and sweaty and flush from the heat, or from sunburn that hasn’t quite set in yet. I haven’t talked to the Washington County republicans yet, but they are annoying me from a distance, smarmy looking bald white upper middle class men, and an old bag, smiling to themselves talking up their conservative religious right party. Talking little kids into taking their balloons, and the kids don’t know any better and are walking around with their stupid elephant red white and blue balloons. I hope the democrats in the next room come up with something similar. Tomorrow night (Friday night) should be much more interesting, people watching wise. There’s a group of about 20 Mexican kids and 3 pregnant women holding screaming kids that look a little to be to be holding still standing in front of my booth contemplating asking for free candy.

I see some of these fat families walking around, and see they have little kids that are fat, and I can think when I look at the parents is how could those two get aroused enough with each other to fuck and to successfully become pregnant? I just don’t get it, but I guess human nature dictates that everyone fucks at some point, except maybe for eunuchs or something.

I think a lot of people aren’t coming in here because it’s so hot. I’m just sitting here and I’m sweating. Ahh, I see someone’s entered with their child on a leash. I thought that went out of fashion in the early 90s, but it’s good to see that there’s someone still enforcing it.

We got crappy candy to give out, and all of the kids are turning their noses up to it. It’s pretty funny to seen them snub the candy and wander off all dejected. We have these weird mints that are like after dinner mints, but bigger, weird cinnamon hot candies (but they’re not that hot, not like redhots or anything) and these sticky crappy strawberry candies in the wrapper that looks like a strawberry. My co-worker got the candy from the dollar store. Nothing like a wasteland of crap.

The phrase “wasteland of crap” reminds me of a store in Portland that houses the largest quantity of pre-landfill materials, everything you would never want under a 4 story roof. Gadgets, puzzles, crappy books, cheap home decor in droves, plates, cups, clothing, seasonal crap, you name it it's probably in this huge building. There’s more furniture on the upper floors, and a basement, I think. It must have been a real hassle moving the furniture deliveries in and up to the appropriate floors.

4 cops just walked in and are looking around. I’m guessing by the looks on their faces that they’re not here for the rides and Ronco rotisserie demonstrations.

Law enforcement is good.


What a hot summer we have had so far. Nothing like I remember in the past 7 summers I have been here. My memory makes me think there were a few hot days, then that was about it. This summer, it’s been blocks of days, broken up by warmer days, at least 85-90 degrees. I just don’t own that much in the way of cool clothing; I have one pair of shorts. There’s some white trash bitch talking down to her kid, who’s in a stroller and doesn’t even look 1, and they both smell like a shitty diaper. I see people sometimes walking around with a complete brood, like 4, 5, 6 kids and I think to myself (what a wonderful world) what a pain in the ass. What an asshole, why does anyone need that many family members? You know they’re not millionaires, which is what it would take to raise that amount of kids in a halfway decent fashion, I mean not sucking off of food stamps or other things.

There’s considerable pink faced traffic streaming through here, carrying midway prizes of giant stuffed animals probably manufactured in China for 12 cents a piece, but requires a fairgoer to spend at least 10 dollars to try to win at some rigged skill game.

I could really use a piece of floss. I have a piece of spinach between my teeth.

It’s pretty dead in here. The lady who’s supposed to be working at the booth next to mine has been MIA since she came on shift. The shallow people who are coming over here asking me for a pen don’t give a shit about who our company is or what we do. I don’t know why I’m complaining because at least I have an outlet, and power to run my laptop. I wish now I had Christmas lights, just so I can be like the Washington County republicans.


boo republicans!


I just had a group of kids come up and talk to me, who were with their counselor, and they weren’t 18 but obviously had some kind of learning disability, but when I was a kid they were just “slow.” Or they were in the “SLD” classes (which ironically stood for slow learning disability). Or, if someone was disabled and went to Countryside High, their classes were in the “I” wing. This one Puerto Rican kid I knew named Fatal would say, “Yo what’s up I wing?” if he was trying to insult you.

The lady next door who was MIA (I think her name is Wendy or something) showed back up and was disappointed that nobody stopped by while she was gone. “You mean nobody came by??” she asked in disbelief. “Yeah, well, maybe a couple” I half-heartedly answered, while listening to downloaded Howard Stern on my laptop. “I can’t believe it.” She remarked as she wandered around her booth, straightening things up. She might have more business if she was hanging out here. I know she’s getting at least 15 bucks an hour to not be at her booth and walk around the fair. The smell of fair food is overwhelming in here, although there are no food booth vendors. I guess it could be worse; we could be situated right next to the animals or tractor pulls.

In Bethlehem, CT, I would take the people we cared for to their local summer fair, which was much better and bigger then this one. The difference is amazing, considering that this is a whole county fair, whereas the CT one was just for the town of Bethlehem. They used to have an ox pull, which was less noisy and more interesting then a tractor pull. I mean, tractor pull, big deal! Of course a motorized tractor can pull objects, it’s designed to. Duh.











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