Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I've never really dealt well with

death, the passing of people you know well, anyway. I can handle the desensitivity that accompanies gratuitous violence on T.V., but when it's family or friends, or acquaintances, for some reason it's pretty hard for me, and I either cry uncontrollably or phase into this sphere of being that happens to clinically and objectively deal with the reality of the end of a life, the end of an entity.

So I learned earlier today that this woman I worked with named Helen (I probably used a fake name earlier in my blog entries) died over the weekend. She was 44 and had pancreatic cancer, and was a beautiful, vibrant, empowered, strong woman. She had the most positive attitude that I've ever experienced in an individual, even when she started getting sick and started cutting down her hours, she still kept that positive front up.

I first met her on my first day of work here, it was also her first day of work. We waited together in the lobby to get our pee tests, and struck up conversation about the amount of coffee we've consumed so we could perform for the test. She quickly became a go-to and a friend, someone that I could bounce ideas off of, or find information that wasn't really available or attainable. She planned our Annual Awards Banquet in November, and had a great time doing so, even though by November she was too sick to attend.

It's been kind of hard at times today, especially when I check my voice mail. Helen's voice is the one I hear on the automated menu, and I can hear her smiling in her voice; she had to reprogram the phone system here and had to do several takes because she kept laughing. I guess in that respect she's been immortalized eternally.

Rest in peace, I hope that your pain and sufferning has ended and that for the remainder of your soul's existence you are enveloped in the beauty and peace you've conveyed.

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