Friday, January 16, 2009

finally got a 2009 calendar

I was starting to feel lost in the new year without a wall calendar in my apartment to keep referring to. I'm a very visual person and it helps to have a calendar with nice neat squares to write in my schedule or upcoming events. Especially school. I'm taking three classes this semester and homework and due dates can get real confusing quickly without the assistance of a calendar.

My cubemate is listening to Tom Leykis. I don't mind his show but I know many women who think he's offensive or a pig. I don't think he's either; but he is kind of jaded. But aren't we all in some respect, or at some point in our lives? I also listen to Howard Stern, so I doubt Tom Leykis can say anything that would really offend me.

I'm not easily offended, at least by language. I have the propensity to inappropriately curse too, so I have to watch myself at work. The other day I accidentially called an erroneous driver a "dildo" while one of my co-workers was in the car with me. The sad part is I meant to call the other driver a douche, but for some reason dildo just came out. Nothing like trying to backpedal out of a slip like dildo. I've also been watching Deadwood lately and a couple of different C words have been slipping into mainstream conversation. I'll have to keep a close watch on the use of that word.

On a completely unrelated note; I just gave a drug screen to the biggest sweatiest kid I ever met. Then he shook my hand and it was a big sweaty moist mitt. Like a warm pork chop. I know he washed his hand after the pee test but I washed after he shook my hand because it left a funny feeling with me.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Dad says "sell the cat to a Chinese restaurant"

So my brother did a little drunk emailing the other night, and I was a recipient of the following correspondence: 

Subject:  Dad says "sell the cat to a Chinese restaurant"

Eh well,your right AZ is Mcain area... but flippin alaska...his running mate?These are great areas of out country. people of the US obviously have pressd towards a new era ; I feel proud to be a voting memer of society, Obama all the way.. In the mean time; I'm supporting every flippin native american tribe since the dawn of man in AZ if I am living in the desert area .I think it might be like "Natural born Killers"....only without the killing lol! Technically, we are all living on a country bought for bracelets, food and simple far as I know. Anyways ...We have a lot of calls for our poor kitty that we cannot take with us, but i'm sure things will be cool. lol. Dad says eat the cat.I painted lots of the roof areas today. It looks better.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Perception is Everything.

So one of the reasons my blog frequency has been steadily decreasing is due to my going back to school about 15 years later then when I started.  Funny thing about school, when I last went I could give two craps and didn't know what I wanted to do.  The difference now is I am really invested in attending college; I'm learning new things, meeting new people and empowered by getting good grades and feedback.  Each new semester is a challenge and brings out my anxiety--it's funny all the things I'll worry about that are really no problem.  For example, some of the thing I worry about are:

  • completing the homework and getting credit for it
  • doing the correct homework assignment
  • remembering my homework
  • remembering to turn in my homework
  • getting good grades on the tests and quizzes
  • doing well on the mid term and final
  • getting credit for any extra credit issued
  • scoring well in those ambiguous areas, such as "class participation"
  • forgetting to do an assignment I missed

Funny the physiological symptoms I'll feel--I get a little jittery, like a coiled spring full of tension and potential energy.  My hands also get sweaty and sometimes I get a little dizzy and dry mouthed.  I have an increased urination frequency too, and yes I know that might be too much information but it's true.  So sorry if girl pee offends you.  

But realistically, logically, I can rationalize all of those things I worry about:

a)  I have good study habits so inevitably I will do well

b)  I'm detail oriented

c)   I'm not shy so if I'm unclear I can get help, 


d)  It's really not that important.

This is a school scenario, but you could apply the worry list and rational justifications to any aspect of my life.  It is definitely generalized.  I worry when I leave for work that I left the stove, heater or coffee pot on.  Realistically, if all three were on ultimately there would be no harm done.  The apartment wouldn't burn down, and the coffee maker has an auto-shutoff after two hours.  My iron has an auto-shutoff too; when it's down and there is no activity it shuts off after 30 seconds.  If it is upright and I don't use it for 3 minutes, it also shuts off.  It's a pretty state of the art iron and I like it a lot, but more about that later.  

Picture two miniature versions of me on my shoulders, one sitting on each.  Like the devil and the angel we've seen so much on TV and in the movies when a character is facing a moral dilemma.  So instead of a devil and angel, it's like anxiety and the voice of reason.  Anxiety is screaming and jumping up and down about something on one side of me, where Rationalization is lounging on my other shoulder, reassuring me that just about everything that Anxiety is telling me is bullshit.  It's an interesting dynamic to navigate in the middle of a tense busy workday.  I had Anxiety and Rationalization show up today while I was in a meeting at work, and I accidentally said something I was thinking, then as soon as I said it I felt so uncomfortable I wanted to implode.  And I said it to my boss in front of my superiors and colleagues, it's officially the first choke of '09.  It was really bad, I totally lost my train of thought and my boss was looking at me like I was some kind of flake.  I swear everyone else looked embarrassed for me, and I swear the lady next to me started to blush.

Anyway, Rationalization appeared and saved the day.  I ended up plowing through and confidently reading off the rest of my report.  I also engaged in good solid conversation with another division head about a common interest.  Next thing you know I'm joining the group discussion and throwing around one-liners.  Before I knew it the meeting had moved on and things seemed comfortable again.  

Or maybe they never were uncomfortable and the whole thing was in my head.  In any event, that's how I get through most of these situations and it seems to keep me off of medication.  Dealing with anxiety this way also helps me enjoy things, I was able to enjoy parts of that meeting after I choked, and I enjoy school and everything else I do.  I feel like I am moving, not stagnating and that feeling alone is bigger then anything anxiety can throw at me.  I like the things I do and eating well, taking care of my body and the satisfaction of a good work out.  These things hold great value and transcend anything else I've encountered so far.

Happy New Year!

So it's been awhile. I've been active on various social networking sites and have been linking my [dead] blog, so I thought I'd be responsible and at least make some of these entries semi-current.

I joined Twitter. I fought it for a long time because I'm not particularly promoting anything; no product or nothing about me that needs promotion. I'd read an increasing amount of articles about Twitter and how it can enhance your networking and your productivity. One article in particular by the NY Times spoke of how Twitter can help you at work, either at a current job or in finding a new job. I thought at the very least I could join to read and get updates from anyone who is tweeting or blogging about anything I find interesting.

So I did that, and got my cousin JD Glass to join too. She's a writer and in a band, she has things to promote so it's another great place for her to network. Up to this point (tweeting for about 2 days now) my posts are kind of inane, for example: "I think the Starbucks lady and the Oil Can Henry's guy should hook up" and "my heater only has two settings: hot and off."

Somehow people find me and are subscribing to my feed. Now I feel obligated to triangulate all of my social networking sites and make sure they are all relatively current. This blog was by far the most delinquent, so since August I've started fall semester, completed fall semester with a 4.0 (whew) successfully made it through the holidays, endured a pummeling of snow storms (for this area anyway, the snow here is nothing like NYC's Nor'Easter of 96) and started the Winter Term as of Monday. I'm not working too much with glass anymore because school is taking the front seat and I closed my studio to budget for tuition. And most significantly, we've elected a new President who starts working this Friday.

Once again I rang in 2009 without incident and was in bed by 10 PM. I briefly woke up at 12 because someone was lighting off fireworks, which surprised me because we had some steady constant rains all day and evening and projected into the next couple of days. I don't make New Year's Resolutions because I feel the time is always now for a change.

I guess if I had to make a resolution, I reslove to not use commas and exclaimation points so frivously in the future.